How To Share In Your Spouse's Success
By
Sherman N. Miller
Marital stress often accompanies career successes because many spouses have never learned to share in their mate's achievements. In these marriages, insecurity supplants love; thereby, jealousy becomes the catalyst which initiates the spread of emotional blindness.
I shall clarify the above contention by sharing a conversation with a middle-aged woman on a flight from Cleveland, OH to Philadelphia, PA. This lady is married to a Seventh Day Adventist minister. She complained about being forced to live under the rigid ethics code of the Seventh Day Adventist Church.
She also objected to her husband's extreme dedication to his ministry. This blinding dedication had reached the untenable point where he merely read his Bible before going to sleep.
This lady then spoke of a teenaged daughter. She abhorred her daughter's close relationship with her father.
As I listened to her whine, I sensed the real story remained untold. I probed her deeper. She revealed that she was en route home to divorce her husband.
This divorce revelation coupled with her parental envy forced me to make this woman face up to the real world. I made this lady realize that she had a highly successful husband. Furthermore, I said, "Your chances of getting another successful fellow are slim."
I also pointed out that she will find herself on the singles bars circuit merely seeking companionship. My frank comments got her attention. Her eyes begged for more reality.
I knew that she really did not want a divorce, so I chided her for not sharing in her husband's success. She then admitted to brooding each time her husband's homily mesmerized their church congregation.
I, then, challenged her to find ways to become an asset in her husband's career. I knew this would make him look forward to seeing her because she was helping to make his dreams a reality.
As the airplane approached the Philadelphia Airport, this minister's wife said she was not going to seek a divorce. She was looking forward to becoming an asset to her husband. She asked if I was going on to Florida so we could continue our conversation.
The above lady's experience points out the importance of learning to share in your spouse's successes. But how does one accomplish that objective?
One need only recall those traits that established the emotional link between himself and his spouse in the first place. For example, one spouse might be a very good listener where couples have vastly different professions.
On the other hand, one spouse can have skills that complement the other spouse, so this person can offer his spouse direct assistance in problem solving. My wife is my editor; therefore, I have grown to depend on her talents, although I must admit she is tougher than nails when she edits my articles.
Thus I believe, "Success befalls the entire family regardless of who brings it home."