Are Bitch, Ditch, and Switch American Folklore?

By

Sherman N. Miller

5/4/1995

            I was preparing myself to give a seminar on marriage when I chatted with this Delaware chap on the marital phase leading up to a divorce. He argued that he termed the last phase of marriage the "ITCH PHASE!" I anxiously waited to learn about this marital itch when he poured forth, "There are bitch, ditch, and switch."

            I asked him to define the elements of the marital phase. I gathered:

            * BITCH: railing about your spouse's shortcomings in public to gain sympathy for your plight from your friends and associates.

            * DITCH: discarding your spouse like you take out the garbage.

            * SWITCH: finding a new spouse that allows you to make your "ex" feel uncomfortable.

            I thumbed this Marital Itch concept over a few times and then I decided to post it on the Internet in four Newsgroups (soc.couples, soc.women, soc.men, and alt.romance) to get some global views on the issue. There was a scenario offered for the Bitch element that is disquieting, if you buy the often ballyhooed figure that the United State of America has roughly a 50 percent divorce rate.

            This scenario says, if a person rails about his spouse to single friends, he or she will find these people offering tacit approval to his or her complaints because these single people may not fully appreciate the problem. Should the complainer continually receive approvals for his or her demoniac rhetoric about his or her spouse, it evolves into a self-fulfilling prophecy where they equate their spouse with evil and their friends with joy.  Thus, one loses his or her ability to discuss tough issues with his or her spouse for the one person now has become a demon in the other's mind.

            The above scenario suggests that the complainer's friends unknowingly charged the marital atmosphere with the acceptance of divorce and the complainer exploits this negative attitude to garner solace in ditching his or her spouse. The debate is still raging on the viability of this bitching model, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that spousal public bitching is an excellent catalyst to make one’s desire to ditch his or her spouse.

            The Internet people believe the above scenario need not become a self-fulfilling prophecy if friends do not permit spousal bitching to go unchallenged. Friends need to make it clear that they like both parties and bad-mouthing either person brings stress to their relationship with the complainer. People with marital problems should also discuss their problems with other married people who can have both sympathy and empathy for their marital crisis and often can offer them some practical solutions.

            Thus, I ask , "Is the Bitch, Ditch, and Switch now American marital folklore?"